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Our Families - Our Lives. Write-Link Project
Emily G.
June 22, 2005 Mary
"We have to play Bingo at one. Will you be gone by then?"
Mary asked me, less than politely.
"Well I'm not sure, I think so." I stammered, taken aback
by the abruptness of her first statement. "I would assume so...I
guess." What do you say when weekly Bingo game takes major precedence
over anything you were hoping to accomplish during the afternoon's interview?
I told her my name then, offering my hand, attempting to gloss over
the fact that I felt she didn't really want me there. She didn't take
my hand but did start telling me about her life.
She lives in the high-rise senior apartments near Hamilton St. and
Michigan Ave., which many of the other members at the center live in.
She moved there after her daughter coaxed her into coming to live in
Ypsilanti. She was to live with her daughter, but then the daughter
got married and moved to Battle Creek a year later. I would hope that
the daughter didn't move to get away from her mother; but this may be
the case, since Mary refuses to visit her or make any sort of positive
reference to her or her husband. I wonder if this sort of attitude towards
her family is why none of them live near by; the hateful Battle Creek
daughter being the closest.
There is a sense of resentment and bitterness about Mary. From the
way she sits with her back straight, but her shoulders curved in, to
the way she talks about change, and the lack of understanding she possesses
about her children. I suppose this is understandable, once she tells
you about her life. She was born in the Chicago area in June of 1925.
Her family moved to Michigan when her father was offered a position
at the DuPont Company in Detroit. "That was when Detroit was still
a good place to live, you couldn't pay me enough live there now",
she wanted it made very clear that she would not live somewhere with
"crack addicts on every corner".
She dropped out of high school when she started the 10th grade. She
says she was in love, but follows that statement quickly by saying she
was also pregnant, sixteen years old, and stupid. Her first child, a
boy, came before she was ready. A child herself, I wasn't sure if she
meant that she was not emotionally ready to be a mother, or if he simply
came before her due date, she didn't say, maybe both. They traveled
"quite a bit" but instead of going to far off places, full
of different people and a different life, they went to Maine. And Connecticut,
New Jersey, New York, and Missouri. I understand that times were different
then, and that traveling anywhere was a luxury because there was a war
going on, but still, Bar Harbor Maine wouldn't be my first choice to
vacation to. She and her first husband had one more child together,
a girl, and then divorced, five years and five states later.
Mary married again when she was twenty-five. She and her second husband
moved to East Point Michigan, where she had two more children, and he
had a drinking problem. "He was an alcoholic, he was abusive, and
I should never have put up with him for as long as I did" she says
which I suppose sums up her feelings on the subject. After she left
him, she remained in East Point with her four children, working as a
waitress to make ends meet. While living in East Point though, for all
of her relationship problems, she did finish high-school. She spoke
of wearing her cap and gown and receiving her diploma at the age of
40 with her children in the audience and her on the stage. A bit of
role reversal does any family good, I suppose. She then went to community
college, for awhile when she was 50. But after taking all of the classes
she found interesting, she dropped out again. Though I'm not sure that
leaving school when you are old enough to be most of the students' mother
can quite be considered dropping out; I think that a return to an average
life is more fitting. She is to be commended though for returning at
all, there are many people who are not that persevering.
While at the community college, she did develop a love for writing.
She told me quite proudly that she had one article published in the
Detroit Free Press, and had sold one poem to be published in a book.
I asked her then if she still wrote, and she said she did not, and that
she did not plan to begin again anytime soon.
Towards the end of our conversation we talked about her life now. She
lives in the high-rise, next door to her best-friend Claire, on the
sixth floor. "The sixth floor is a good floor, it's not too high
up, but also no one can peek in your windows at night" she explained
to me. I think she was joking about the window peeking, but I couldn't
be sure. It's entirely possible that there are lots of window peepers
loitering around the retirement home. Her boyfriend, or companion, Ed,
lives on the seventh floor. They have been seeing each other for the
better part of twenty years. She did divulge that they broke up for
a short time about 15 years ago when he wanted to marry her, and she
declined. She never wants to marry again, and that makes sense to me.
When you are 80 a ring on your finger seems to mean less, especially
if you have worn two others previously. She does seem to be happy with
him though. One weekend a month they rent a car, and run errands together.
They grocery shop, go to movies and dinner. Occasionally they will drive
to Dearborn and visit his children. Her favorite time though is when
he comes and watches the news with her every evening. It's to me that
even though she has had bad luck with men in the past, she doesn't have
to watch the news alone.
She doesn't spend time with Ed in the mornings though. "Everyone
needs their space, don't ever let a man take up all your time",
this is possibly some of the best advice I have ever received. Usually
in the morning, she spends time talking to Claire, or watches CMT, the
cable country music channel. I thought this was interesting because
I also have an odd attachment to the Top 20 Country countdown in the
morning. She also plays Bridge one day a week at the center, and one
afternoon a week at the apartments. Oh and there's always the Wednesday
Bingo game, can't forget about that.
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